goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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