Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize