it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sarcasm needs its own font
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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