The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize