You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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