awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
did i just pee glitter
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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