John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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