Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
