I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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