apparently the secret to your success is patron
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
