I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I party with great urgency now.
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