4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
