I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
