Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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