Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
