Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Panties = found
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
