My pussy is not your playground.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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