so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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