He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
