I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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