Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
