Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
