The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
