Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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