We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
