mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize