you have to choose: penises or morals?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
