i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
