just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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