Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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