I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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