READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
