if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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