The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
