Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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