Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
