wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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