i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Enjoy the penises
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
