I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
this hospital has no fireball
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
