i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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