Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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