remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
