i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
