got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
