someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
