Soap is not a condiment
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He better not be in your backpack
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
