just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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