Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
