Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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