i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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