Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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