I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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