I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
