Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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