Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
