I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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