i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
