I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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