OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
