While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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