Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
