Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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