Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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