It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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