All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
