i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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