in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
