You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
