That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it because I queefed?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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