Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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