Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
