i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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