Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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