Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
