Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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